That’s what I wanna know. Everyday, around 6:45pm, I make my way to the bathroom most commonly used in the office, only to find the most confusing thing I’ve ever encountered — bubbles. In the urinal. Bright yellow bubbles. Sitting in the urinal that I’m about to cast off into.

It’s bad enough that I have to flush the urinal before I use it*, requiring me to touch one object in that bathroom at least one more time than I would generally wish to. But now, I’m also forced to witness a neon, bubble-filled mess that leaves me in a state of complete confusion. And of course, 15 minutes before I go home to eat. MMMmmm…

Now before you claim that it’s some chemical reaction with whatever cleaner is used, I’ll say this. I’m in that bathroom 3 times a day and it’s only like that at 6:45pm. The cleaning people don’t get there till well after 7pm. Explain yourself, Bubble Boy.

I’m not just telling you this because your foamy urine disturbs (and sort of amuses) the hell out of me. Part of me is somewhat concerned about your overall well being. Do you eat right? Get enough sleep? Visit Chernobyl often?

Please sir, I urge you — come sit and talk with me. Explain why someone coated your urinary tract with FOX Trax. If you don’t want to speak with me, that’s fine. Just please, Mr. Soapy Piss, at least flush the fuckin toilet.

*Because splash-back is a bitch.

(Editor’s Note: When searching for images on Google, turn “Safe Search” on before typing in the word piss. Trust me.)