(Haven’t done one of these in a while, but man is this gonna feel good…)
Dear Fuck Face,
How the fuck do you hit a parked car?
You were driving in reverse(?!?) down a one way street with cars parked on both sides of you. There was no way you could have missed the large vehicles surrounding you. All you had to do was hold the fucking wheel steady and you would’ve been fine. But, of course you couldn’t do that. You had to drive backwards and diagonally, right into my bumper… and then proceed to keep going like you had no idea. If I hadn’t looked you in the face and gave you the “Are-you-THAT-stupid?” look, you’d still be obliviously backing up.
That was my new car. Not a single fucking scratch on it.
Fuck.
I hate you.
Sincerely,
Apartment718
Saw this in a story about a kid who got separated from a hiking group over the weekend:
Grayson watches “Man vs. Wild” on the Discovery Channel every week with his brothers and his dad. On the show, host and adventurer Bear Grylls strands himself in the wilderness and then shows viewers how to survive the sticky situations.
That’s where Grayson says he learned to leave clues behind to help searchers find him.
Really? Leaving clues behind is something Bear Grylls taught him?
Maybe if the little shit would’ve spent more time reading and less time in front of the TV, he wouldn’t have needed to watch a man drink his own urine just to find out about leaving a trail of bread crumbs. That probably could’ve been learned by, oh, I don’t know, reading Hansel and FUCKING Gretel.
This story just adds to my disdain for that ridiculous show that Discovery Channel tries to pass off as educational television. My old roommate tried to sell me on this, but I was having none of it.
I mean, to whom is this show helpful? Odds are, if you’re the type of person who watches Bear Grylls to learn something about surviving, you’re probably not the person who leaves the couch unless ultimately necessary. Conversely, if you’re already someone who backpacks through the Amazon, then I’m pretty sure you don’t need a walking jackass to tell you how to do your thing,
Let’s just stop pretending he’s teaching us something when he’s really just there for entertainment.
And kid, read a fucking book.
Filed under: Bright Orange Seats, Dennis Bunnicelli, Must Be Friday, YouTube
No writing around here this week. What’s up with that?
Well, for starters, I’ve been swamped at work. Deadlines and piles of work do not lend themselves to a lot of creative writing. The time I have been able to touch fingertips to laptop have been spent over at Bright Orange Seats, where I was asked to do my first radio interview on Tuesday. Yes, it was a lot of fun. And yes, I did milk it for all it was worth. Since then, my traffic has jumped and I’ve been forced to put a little more effort into the site than usual over the last few days.
As for life away from the computer screen, there’s not all that much going on.
This Sunday is my softball championship. I’m not sure if winning that would make me really cool or an unfathomable loser. Losing would obviously provide the easy answer.
Anyway, it’s Friday, and even though I seemed to be slacking off this week, I’ll still leave you with some Dennis Bunni… oh wait. Nevermind.
Watch this instead:
Filed under: Holy Fuck!, Photo That Will Absolutely Make You Wet Yourself, Photography, WTF?
Not too long ago, I took up photography as something to do to keep myself occupied. Also, because I kinda love photography. Whatever the reason, though, I find myself wandering the pages Flickr more and more nowadays. Some of the things I find are interesting, others ridiculous, and every so often, I find something that’s scary enough to make me soil my underwear.
This week’s Photo That Will Absolutely Make You Wet Yourself is brought to you by the Flickr stream of one, Tomatito Rodrigues.
(Please, click the image to view it at the scariest size imaginable. Trust me.)
