Forget Romo. Eli Manning Has His Own Distractions
January 14, 2008, 12:09 am
Filed under: Eli Manning, NFL Playoffs, The Disturbing Personal Lives Of Celebrities

With all the talk surrounding Tony Romo’s Cabo trip with girlfriend, Jessica Simspon during the bye week, little was made of the other quarterback’s activities in the days leading up to the NFC East, playoff showdown.

New York Giants superstar* Eli Manning was seen leaving The Rusty Trombone, in downtown San Antonio, late Thursday night; a brown paper bag clutched in one hand and a large pink box in the other. When questioned by local papparazi, Manning had this to say:

“Tony’s got Jessica, Peyton’s got Kenny… even Brett has [Madden]. I really don’t have anybody. Sometimes a guy just feels like he needs to let off a little steam. I don’t see it being a big deal. In meetings, the next few days, I’ll just make sure to take it easy and sit on a cushioned chair most of the time. By game time, it should be fine, though and I should be back to 100%, no problem.”

Older brother, Colts QB and commercial whore, Peyton had no comment on Eli’s extra curricular activities, but did say that he thought his brother would be fine come Sunday. “Eli works his butt off. When he plays poorly, he really takes it hard. I’m sure Coughlin and some of the guys in the locker room have been riding him pretty hard at times this season, but he knows what he’s gotta do,” said the elder Manning. “It doesn’t really matter to me either way. It’s his ass, not mine.”

In the two meetings this season with the Cowboys, Eli has taken a beating. “Things haven’t really gone well for me against them. My butt has taken a licking up and down the field. I don’t think I’ve ever been as sore on a Monday morning as I have after those 2 games.”

Hopefully, for the youngest Manning, Monday morning won’t be so painful. But if the Giants lose, Eli will wake up sore, yet again. And in the unforgiving New York media’s eyes, he’ll probably have his Wednesday night “distraction” to thank.

*Term superstar used very, very loosely.


6 Comments so far
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Elisha claims the anal beads will help him improve his tongue-to-cookie time at the Oreo licking contests.

Comment by Brazil Thrill

Nah, they’ll just improve his tolerance to pain

Comment by LoserDomi

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Comment by frmad

I’m a little confused. Eli Manning is using a cushioned chair for what after coming out of a sex shop? Does he have some sort of injury we don’t know about? Gross.

Comment by genesiawilliams

So you know how to use photoshop, good job….. ever heard of a lawsuit for slander?……..
how about quoting your sources?

Comment by edtajchman


Comment by ipartywithsmoot

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