Baby Mangino Will Stop At Nothing To Take Over The World

babymanginotakesover_final

It can be argued that the picture above is everything that’s wrong with the new Deadspin.

It can also be argued that the old commentariat–who have done nothing but piss and moan about the editors, redesign, Facebookers and this year’s SHOTY tournament–need to stop acting like my fucking grandmother, deathly afraid of anything newer than a 56K connection. Old, white rednecks in Alabama are handling a black man becoming the leader of the free-world with more class and less bitching than Deadspin’s old-school elitists are handling a little change on the internet.

I get it. I really do. Back in their day, the writing was better, the posts were funnier and milk cost 37 cents a gallon. Now, the world is passing them by and nothing seems to make sense anymore. How can a stupid baby beat out, arguably, the most influential happening in the history of internet scribesmanship?

Here’s how. When H.G. Bissinger launched his ridiculous attack against Deadspin, it shook the foundation of the blogosphere. It seemingly affected people who blog, people who comment on blogs and dogs who shit on the carpet because there owners are too busy reading blogs to take them out for a walk. But we all got a little worked up over nothing, wouldn’t ya say? Has anything substantial happened to the land of the blog because of all the Buzz? Not really. Basically, we got worked up because someone talked a little shit about our mom. (Myself included.) It happens. But, that’s it. Truth is, Bissinger’s comments mean nothing now. They meant nothing then, but we were so fired up at the time that we didn’t realize it. We were too busy feeling like we were a part of something bigger. In actuality, Chris Cooley’s junk was more influential to the blogosphere than the Bissinger tirade. Let’s stop taking outselver so seriously, shall we?

But, Baby Mangino: that, friends, is a true product of Deadspin. That mustachioed plumper brought the same fun and joy to the comment section that Barbaro and that stupid fucking dinosaur did. While Buzz put Deadspin in the news for a short period of time, it was for an ultimately lame reason: Bloggers vs. MSM. Oooooh. Feel the tension. What a joke. Looking back on it, we can at least admit that much, can’t we? Nightmare Ant was a random picture that became big on a website. Baby Mangino is a random picture that made it out of mom’s basement and into the real world. Nightmare Ant may be able to lift 100X his weight, but even he couldn’t hold Mangino’s diaper. (The baby version. Not the real one. That’d just be weird.)

Listen, this new Deadspin? It’s the same as the old Deadspin. Just with different jokes. And Facebookers. No need to be afraid. It’s simply evolution.

A short time ago, Deadspin was an underground sports website that only a handful of people knew about. Slowly, it’s popularity grew until it’s sheer magnitude could no longer be contained by the bounds of obscurity. The power of Deadspin had reached the masses, whether they were prepared for it or not. The evolution of Baby Mangino has followed the same path.

And if that’s not SHOTY-worthy, I’m not sure what is.

Help Baby Mangino take over the world by voting for him here.
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2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

/standing ovation

Comment by Matt_T

Yeah, you win, good sir. (Your newest FB friend.)

Comment by Rockabye




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