There was a fairly entertaining moment during lunch today, when my creative director got shit on by a bird… in the middle of the mall food court. How the hell does that even happen? Regardless, being the youngest of the group, I was assigned to research why it is that being crapped on by flying Chinese food is considered lucky. What follows is the email I sent to all parties present at the time of the pooping, detailing my findings. Enjoy.
Why is bird poop lucky?
While hours of extensive research 10 minutes of Googling yielded nothing in the way of an actual answer, I did come across some really interesting shit… (drum beat, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cymbal crash!)
1. There’s an entire market for fake, lucky poop. http://tinyurl.com/2n62m2
2. As if there were really any doubt, the Japanese are completely off their rocker. http://tinyurl.com/6ark3z
3. Why is bird poop white? I’ll tell you why. (Via the Scoop on Poop website)
Unlike mammals, birds don’t urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird’s cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.
4. Delano, California would seem to have somewhat of a bird poop epidemic. http://tinyurl.com/basc4n
5. And if you need to get a large amount of poop off of your shirt… http://tinyurl.com/c3fkzk
This is all the information you will ever need on bird poop. Next week, I’ll discuss the magical healing properties in horse manure.
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