Who’s Got Balls?: Pizzarella Edition
February 5, 2009, 1:25 pm
Filed under: food, Sandwich Search, Who's Got Balls?


Though I wouldn’t call myself an expert on all things food, I’d like to think I know a thing or two about good Italian. That said, all the meatball subs I’ve eaten to this point in my life have ranged from terrible to somewhat mediocre. It is for this reason that I put my relatively healthy eating habits on hold, as I search for Miami’s best meatball sub. Either I’m going to find one that I deem satisfactory, or I’m going to clog every artery in my body trying. And now, it’s time to scour the greater Miami area, and find out exactly… Who’s Got Balls?

Restaurant: Pizzarella (Hollywood, FL)

I suppose it should go without saying that you should never order a meatball sub from an Italian restaurant that airs Telemundo on every TV near the bar, but I’ll reiterate:

Never order a meatball sub from an Italian restaurant that airs Telemundo on every TV near the bar.

However, if you fail to heed my warning, here’s what you can expect from a Pizzarella meatball sub…

I think it was white bread. Or a hotdog bun. I’m still not really sure, but it was soft; almost like they took it straight out of the bag and threw the meat and cheese directly onto it. I’m not really sure if this place even owns a toaster of some sort.

Congealed. I’m not entirely convinced it was even mozzarella. Perhaps maybe some new hybrid cheese they concocted in the back room. The good news is that, after 45 minutes of trying to chew through it, my jaw muscles were stronger than ever.

Meatballs: Oddly enough, the meatballs were pretty decent. Not good enough that they would make up for the sandwich’s glaring flaws, but not terrible enough to make me hate everything about the meal.

Season-what? They might want to look into picking up some herbs and spices. And flavor. Any would be nice.

Other: The meal came with french fries. Bowling alley-style, mushy, greasy french fries. Now, I understand that Miami Subs also offers french fries with their sandwiches, but they’re a fast food place and their fries are seasoned to perfection. This is a sit-down, Italian restaurant. And apparently one with a serious identity crisis.

Overall: I really didn’t think anything could be worse than DiSalvo’s. Not only was I wrong, but now I’m not entirely sure that this will be the worst meatball sub I attempt to swallow. I have a sneaking suspicion that this search is going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.

Final Grade: F


Great Moments In Childcare
February 5, 2009, 12:27 am
Filed under: Great Moments In..., Hide The Children


Sometimes, the jokes… they write themselves.