The Boring Lives of Twitter Celebrities
February 14, 2009, 8:46 am
Filed under: The Disturbing Personal Lives Of Celebrities, Twitter

twitter

Since I joined Twitter, I’ve noticed a few things.

  1. I stopped using Facebook status updates.
  2. I’m not really disclosing as much about my personal life as I thought I would.
  3. Unfortunately, MC Hammer is.

When I first signed up for Twitter, I needed friends. Having a feed that only displays your own tweets is possibly the most boring exercise in all of social networking. So, of course, I started looking for people to follow. Before I could find any of those witty Deadspin folks, though, I loaded up on celebrities and other semi-popular feeds. Seemed logical enough. Someone famous would have to have some interesting things to say, right?

Riiiiiiiiiiiight…

Turns out, some of these guys are just as entertaining as 13-year-old girls on Myspace. (If you read that last sentence and wondered why that was a bad thing, I know someone who would like to have a word with you.)

Shaq: Admittedly, he’s the reason I joined Twitter. Anotha sleepless nite, n twitter land, aaaaaggggghhhhhhh, whyyyyyyyyyyy” (I may’ve missed a Y  or two somewhere in there.) And while that’s fun to read once in a while, a constant stream of nonsenical, mispelled ramblings can become a bit tiresome. Don’t be afraid to use spellcheck, eh big guy?

William Leitch: Though watching the transition from happy-go-lucky Cardinals fan to sad, dejected, at-least-it-was-a-great-game Cardinals fan was a fun experience, I can’t say there’s been anything else on there that’s made me laugh. Well, except for this: Story about Twitter is all done and sent to press. It was really difficult to spread 140 characters over four pages, but we did our best.” Well played, sir. Well played.

Agent M: Do not follow this guy. Ever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

MC Hammer: I’m not gonna lie. I thought for sure Hammer would be an awesome follow. The man was the sole reason I spent my entire youth in baggy pajama pants that were somehow considered “in style.” Apparently, though, one-hit-wonders have a lot of time on their hands–sorry, I refuse to accept that 2 Legit 2 Quit ever happened–and would like to make sure everyone in the world knows about their upcoming Cash4Gold commercial. Hammer tweets at least 47 times a day and usually has about one interesting thing to say every week. It’s as uninspiring a percentage as you’ll find, not located at the NBA free-throw line.

Though, it was a little refreshing to see this series of tweets pop up…

I’m feeling myself…Ran to and thru the airport… Danced while I waited for my luggage …legs strong…heart stonger !!

You let me pass on a typo ? Stronger !!!

Hmmm. Hammer… meet Shaq.

The moral, of course, is that you’ll probably enjoy Twitter a lot more if you follow the interesting regular folk, rather than the uninteresting celebrities. And that, if you need some extra money, Hammer can totally help you out with that…

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