Where It All Went Wrong: The Myspace Edition
April 13, 2009, 8:30 am
Filed under: MySpace, This Will Not End Well, Weddings

Monday morning. The perfect morning to wake up early, eat a healthy breakfast and start your week off right. It’s also the perfect morning to realize everything that’s wrong with the world these days.

For those without class, tact or a modicum of self respect, I suggest you sit your significant other down, discuss your future together and perhaps convince them that the most romantic way to plan your big day would be to sit back, drink pina coladas and let the MySpace community handle everything for you. Thirteen year olds, middle-aged women acting like thirteen year olds, failed bands, struggling artists and the foremost experts in pedophilia, all lending a hand in planning the one day you’ve been waiting for your whole life. What could possibly go wrong?

Introducing Married on MySpace; an online reality show where, if you’re chosen, every detail of your wedding will be decided by millions of people who haven’t quite figured out Facebook. The flowers, location, registry–even the bachelor party–will be planned by people you’ve never met, and quite frankly, would be scared to make eye contact with if you saw them on the street.

Oh, but it will all be worth it when your beautiful wedding day is broadcast on MySpace TV; the home of such quality programming as Quarterlife and Model Ball.

Your parents will wonder where they went wrong and your friends will place bets on the exact day the divorce papers will be filed. But that’s okay, because for now, you’re a MySpace celebrity whose big day will be forever stitched into this wireless quilt we call an internet. It will be an event that nobody will ever forget.

Unfortunately, that includes you.


3 Comments so far
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I can’t even stand looking at that picture. That girl, and the people like that girl, make my stomach turn.

Comment by Female Smoot

Apparently I need to clarify…
So, “people like that girl” means people that
1) would disrespect themselves by posting trashy pictures of themselves
2) people who do it by a toilet, especially when their poop is in the toilet
they are gross & make my stomach turn.

Comment by Female Smoot

I think I’m going to be physically ill.

Picture? What picture? I was talking about the fact that we’re letting people who would let strangers plan their wedding actually have a wedding. That’s not so bad, but then comes the honeymoon. The honeymoon leads to unprotected sex, and next thing you know there’s another unnecessary fuck trophy on God’s green earth.

Comment by TattooedMess(iah)

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