That’s Mickey… Licking Himself Over There
April 17, 2009, 9:26 am
Filed under: Dennis Bunnicelli, Mickey Mouse, Must Be Friday

Disney World is the happiest place on Earth.

That’s what they have been telling me since I was 7-years old. I don’t know who they are or why they insist on deciding what makes me happy, but I gotta tell ya, I think they might be on to something.

Some of my most vivd memories are from one Walt Disney World theme park or another. Maybe it helps that I’ve spent my entire life just three short hours from the entrance to Magic Kingdom, and I was a visitor almost every single year. Whatever. I had some crazy times there.

I’m also not letting Disney off that easy, though, because I definitely know about its evil, dark side.

As a camp counselor, I graced Orlando with my presence twice every summer… for ten summers. And when you spend enough time in a place, you start to see some shit.

See, Disney World is like a friend turned roommate. When you see that person just once in a while, you really only get to see his/her awesome side. Then, after you’ve spent the better portion of a year waking up in the morning to find your friend asleep on the living room couch, drooling on the throw pillows, you start to realize that he/she is not as awesome as you once thought.

Disney World is my roommate.

Spend enough time in a Walt Disney theme park and the inane tunes of absolute positivity will have your ears begging for some death metal. Pastel colors, fake smiles and talking animals are all scattered throughout the 25,000 acres of land, to remind you of one simple–yet factually inaccurate–piece of information…

You’re happy.

You may be in a world of debt and totally incapable of forming an erection, but Mickey Mouse doesn’t give a shit. When you’re in his theme park, you are one happy mother fucker. Nevermind that your house is in foreclosure or that your wife ran away with your best friend, because there’s a four-fingered mouse standing next to a dog who talks with the same inflection as a drunken homeless man I once met on the street.

You’re happy, dammit.

What’s funny, though, is that in some strange, twisted way, you are. Once you’re inside those gates, nothing can bring you down. You have gaint turkey legs and candy apples to line your stomach and toys that light up and sing to keep your kids smiling. You really are happy… dammit.

Of course, all of this was just a long way of telling you that I’m going to Disney World for the weekend.

Enjoy the next few days. But especially enjoy this story of Dennis Bunnicelli meeting one of his fans…


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I also know a Disney secret: that’s not turkey. Muahahaha.

Comment by TattooedMess(iah)

Also? Damn you and such for being in Orlando the one weekend I’m not.

Comment by TattooedMess(iah)

couldnt agree more

Comment by Aclarkson

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