This weekend was the first time in a very long time that I had been to Disney’s Magic Kingdom. The girlfriend and I got there at nine in the morning and didn’t leave the park until somewhere around midnight. By the time we were on the ferry, taking us back to the parking lot, my knees were ready to give and I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep in a comfortable bed. Or an uncomfortable one. Or a couch. Or a slab of dirty pavement. Honestly, I was way too exhausted to start being picky.
The next day, we went to City Walk, got some lunch and did a little shopping. A fairly entertaining two-day trip, if you ask me.
What follows is a pretty thorough list of the good, the bad and the completely moronic events from this weekend. Enjoy:
It’s a Small World I don’t care how annoying the song is, a trip to Disney hasn’t officially started until you’ve witnessed this animatronically-challenged display of redundancy. Loved every second of it.
Mickey Mouse Ice Cream Bars It’s just vanilla ice cream protected by a thin chocolate shell, but holy fuck, it’s addicting.
Cinderella’s Castle Supposedly, there’s a lot of stuff going on inside. The fuck if I know what any of it is, though. I just know it’s a constant reminder that you’re in Disney World and not at your shitty job.
Main Street Confectionery Fourteen different flavors of fudge. It’s worth the $75 ticket price just to sniff some of them.
Kids on leashes Parenting at its laziest. And funniest.
“SpectroMagic” Parade Loved the over-the-top creativity in the light show, but man, I’d hate to see Disney’s electric bill.
Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. I swear, I’ll start eating healthier by Wednesday.
Pirates of the Caribbean Listen, Disney. Changing the song and adding a Johnny Depp robot into random sections of the original ride is not a remodel. It’s a half-assed attempt at marketing.
Stitch’s Great Escape I liked this attraction better when it was a little creepy and made kids cry. Though two kids ran out in tears, so I suppose it still maintained some redeeming qualities.
Enchanted Tiki Room Go in there and don’t punch a parrot in the face. I fucking dare you.
The Completely Moronic
The woman at the hotel desk You work for a hotel located a few short miles from one of the largest tourist attractions in the world. If there were only one aspect of your job that you could do correctly, it should be to give accurate directions from Walt Disney World to your establishment, and vice versa. You sent us in the wrong fucking direction.You essentially told us to go home. And, just to be clear, “Take the closest road.” meant absolutely dick when you had no idea what road we were even on. I hate you. I hope the next guest that tries their luck at your mind-boggling directions gets frustrated enough, that when they finally arrive, they choose to shit in the safe.
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