Who Does This Even Happen To?
May 28, 2009, 8:15 am
Filed under: God Works In Weird Ways, Hooker Stories


I’m not a religious man, by any means. I refuse to believe that there’s someone watching down on the world, choosing whether ot not we’re going to have a good day or a shitty one. But, this weekend may’ve pushed me a little closer to believing.

You know how  you leave money in your pocket, forget about it, and then get excited a month later when you find a dollar? Well, I was packing up my apartment on Monday afternoon, when I found a little bit of money underneath some papers on my desk. And by, a little bit of money, I obviously mean $2,000… cash. Don’t ask where it came from. I don’t wanna talk about my shady past as a heroin dealer. Just know that this fortunate discovery is all a part of your imaginary God’s master plan.

Some six or seven hours later, around eleven o’clock at night, I’m sitting in the far room of my empty apartment, watching TV and getting ready to pass out for a long day of work on Tuesday. I’m about to brush my teeth when I hear a knock at the door. I ignore it, thinking it was probably just a random sound from the parking lot outside of the window. Another knock. Who the hell could this be?

As I looked through the peep hole, I could only make out the shape of what looked like a person. That’s about it. It may have something to do with the dark hallway or the fact that the peep holes at this apartment complex are gross. Whatever. There was someone outside. I waited another 10 seconds until the figure knocked again. This time, I could tell it was a girl. I opened the door, and in front of me stood a woman who looked exactly like Mary Jane, from Half Baked. She looked fairly wholesome, wearing a sundress and smiling the entire time she looked at me. After a minute of confused staring, this is the conversation that ensued:

Her: Hi.
Me: Umm… Hey?

[A few more moments of awkward staring. She smiles, and then takes a step forward, as if she’s about to enter my apartment.]

Me: [Smiling, still confused.] Do I know you?
Her: [Smiling back, as if she knows something I don’t.] You called the agency, right?
Me: Huh?
Her: You’re Chris?
Me: [Finally realizing what’s going on.] Ohhh… Oh. NoNoNo. No.
Her: You sure?
Me: Um. Yea…

She turned away, dejected, and walked toward the elevator, waving goodbye with that same smile on her face.  A hooker just been delivered to my doorstep. Who does that even happen to?

I just stood there and thought about how strange the day had been. In a total of 8 hours, I found $2000 cash, and was accidentally visited by a call girl. If I were single, that would’ve been a perfect storm of events.

I may not believe in God, but clearly he was testing me.


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