Hey, What Are Those Neat Little Doohickeys?
May 21, 2009, 8:00 am
Filed under: Announcements

In case you were having trouble figuring out the best way to stalk me, I’ve now made it even easier.

If you look at the top left of the page, you’ll see a set of icons. They’re cute, I know. Made ’em myself. Whatever. Point is, each one will take you to a different page of mine. For those who don’t live on the computer, like I do, the icons, in order, are for Twitter, Flickr, my upcoming Tumblr project and Facebook. Click away and see where they take you.

As for the Tumblr project, it’s set to start sometime in the next week. The extended weekend coming up seems like the perfect opportunity. So yea, keep a look out.

(And if any of the icons don’t work, please email me so I can get it fixed. Thanks.)

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Closing The Door On Apartment 718
March 19, 2009, 8:00 am
Filed under: Allow Me To Vent, Announcements, Apartment 718

718

For the last two years, I’ve called this shithole of an apartment complex my home. Since it was the first place I’ve ever lived without my parents, I put up with a lot of ridiculous things that I would’ve otherwise flipped my shit about. But now, after turning over 21 rent checks, I’ve decided to let it all out and finally vent. What follows is a list of things I won’t miss about this place…

The laundry room. If one more person opens that dryer before my clothes are done, I’ll shove a fucking tire iron down their throat. The rules of the laundry room are simple: you put your stuff in, you take it out when it’s done. There’s never a need for someone else to touch my shit. Ever.

My shower drain, which clogs for inexplicable reasons. I have no hair. What exactly is clogging the drain, even after I pour an entire bottle of cleaning shit down there?

My sink, which does the same. See above.

The dishwasher. If it’s not too much trouble, do you think maybe you could actually clean the dishes? I mean, it’s not that I don’t absolutely love two-day old peanut butter, but if I’m already cleaning most of it off to begin with, is it too much to ask that you do the rest?

The cats in the parking lot. I hate you. I wish nothing but road kill and Chinese food for your future. You do nothing but clutter the parking lot and walk on top of my new car. If I catch you on top of my car again, you’ll be sweet and sour chicken by morning.

The fucktard on the 8th floor who keeps feeding the cats. Stop. If you continue to feed them, I will cut your penis off and hang you with it. You need a hobby. Or a girlfriend. Or both. Whatever it takes to keep you from befriending 15 stray cats like you’re the creepy old lady in the corner house. Jesus, I hate you.

The fire alarm. You don’t go off enough. No, really. If I don’t see the fire department outside of my building at least twice a month, then I know something is wrong. Hey management, don’t be afraid to fix that, eh? And speaking of management…

Management. Three months to fix an elevator? I think I might be able to build one from fucking scratch in that time.

My neighbors above. Thanks for letting your water heater go to shit and leak into my apartment. That was fun.

My neighbors to the right. The next time your dog shits on my balcony, I’m rubbing it in his eyes and throwing him off the ledge.

My neighbors across the hall. You don’t speak english and I don’t speak spanish, so cursing you out would be a collosal waste of time. Just know that you’re nothing like the people who lived there before you, which sucks, because those guys were quiet. And also because they offered my roommate a job selling weed, so at least I knew they worked.

I wont miss this place. I won’t miss the people, the management, the constant problems or the giant fucking pitbulls.

I will miss the short distance to Aventura Mall and the Target across the street, though, so there’s that.



It’s A Girl!
February 23, 2009, 8:56 am
Filed under: Announcements, Nikon D60

Allow me to take this Monday morning to welcome the newest member of the Smoot family. We expect her arrival in the next 7-10 business days. I already wanna pinch her cheeks and spoil her with gaudy lenses.

d60



The Fuck’s A Twitter?
January 18, 2009, 3:00 am
Filed under: Adam Smoot, Announcements, Apartment 718, Bad Idea Bears

Up until a month ago, I had no idea what it was. Then I came across the most fascinating page in the history of the internet.

Shaq has convinced me that this Twitter thing could be fun. Besides, with Facebook, Myspace, Friendster, Flickster, Twister, Sister, Twisted Sister and every other social networking site designed to make stalking people you barely know, as easy as possible, how much of my life is actually private anymore? Announcing your every bowel movement is the new privacy. (As evidenced by most people’s Facebook status.)

So hey, if ya got nothing else to do during your day, and you’d like to be updated every single time I have a random thought, bookmark the ADAM SMOOT TWITTER PAGE.

I’ll do my best to keep you entertained while you toil away at the office.



Dear Laundry Fucktard…
December 13, 2008, 11:40 am
Filed under: Angry Smoot Will Stab You In The Eye, Announcements, Apartment 718

dryer

To the jackass who insists upon opening the dryer while my clothes are still in it,

If you want to see if my clothes are done, the company that produced the appliance was kind enough to include a pretty display on the outside that shows the number of minutes left. I cannot, for the life of me, understand what you could possibly be looking for on the inside of the dryer. Should you continue to open the appliance–and subsequently cost me $1.15 every time you do so–I’ll be forced to dry my clothes in the fire that I set to your fucking apartment.

Sincerely,
Apartment 718



Picture Pages, Picture Pages
December 11, 2008, 12:26 am
Filed under: Announcements, Sports, Tumblr

Even though I’ve closed the door on Bright Orange Seats, it doesn’t mean I’ve given up on sports blogging. Nope. It just won’t take up hours of my time anymore. In fact, if you’re a busy person, with a full-time job, who’s looking for a way to get all his/her sports information in one place, in a very limited time frame… I got ya covered.

Introducing Adam Smoot’s Tumblr O’ Sports News in Pictures. All sports. All pictures. (Well, mostly.)

Now, don’t say I didn’t get you anything for Hanukkah.



The Ultimate Sandwich Search: Who’s Got Balls?
December 9, 2008, 10:39 pm
Filed under: Announcements, food, Sandwich Search, Who's Got Balls?

meatball_subDriving home from work today, having eaten nothing since 8 in the morning, I got the craving for a mouthwatering meatball sub. Normally, when I get an urge as strong as this, I don’t hesitate to satisfy it, but something stopped me. Where the hell was I going to find a good meatball sub in Miami?

In highschool, there was only one place that had a remotely respectable meatball sub, and that was Miami Subs. How sad is it that the best Italian food I could find in high school was from a place with cartoon flamingos and a drive-thru window? The problem is, no real Italian restaurant serves subs. You can only find them at 2nd tier Italian places like Mario the Baker and Steve’s Pizza; neither of which, I particularly care for. But this did get me thinking.

I have particular restaurants I go to for Chinese food, pizza, a cheeseburger, etc., etc. There’s something comforting about knowing that there’s a specific place that makes a specific food, specifically the way you like it. I just haven’t found that place when it comes to a meatball sub.

That said, sometime next week, I’ll be setting out on a journey to find the greatest meatball sub in South Florida. I’ll try a bunch of subs from a bunch of different places, let you know how each of them ranked, and crown one lucky restaurant, Best Balls in Miami. Hopefully, in a few weeks, I’ll have myself the perfect meatball sub. And heartburn.

If you have any places you think I should check out, send me an email or leave a suggestion in the comments.