Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence (The Results)
March 4, 2009, 11:32 pm
Filed under: Attention Whoring, Shaq, Social Experiments, Twitter

What were you doing around two o’clock this afternoon?

I was in a car with two other people, on our way out of the office, headed to lunch. Since I wasn’t driving and the conversation was kind of boring, I glanced down at my phone to briefly check Twitter and saw the most obnoxious Tweet imaginable:

shaqsobe

Had I checked before I stepped into the other person’s car, I would’ve had enough time to take my own car to South Beach and find a large black man with a scary beard. But, because I was five minutes slow on my Twittering, I was, instead, en route to the food court at the mall, where there was zero percent chance that anybody was giving out free tickets to the Heat game. Don’t worry. Not like I was waiting for something like this for a week already. How is my luck so unbelievably terrible?

Whatever. Secretly, I like to think Shaq only played this game because he saw what I wrote, didn’t think it was enough, and was trying to force me to earn the tickets. Or he just really likes random people touching him. Either way…

Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence… FAILURE.

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Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence (Phase II)
March 3, 2009, 10:36 pm
Filed under: Attention Whoring, Shaq, Social Experiments, Twitter

shaqtwit

Last week, I unleashed Phase I of Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence (See: above). It was, for lack of a better term, a complete and total failure. Shaq never made that logo his Twitter icon, nor did he even see it. A total of four people took a gander at my artwork that day, and I’m pretty sure I was at least two of those.

Well, Tuesday I was supposed to unveil Phase II of my elaborate plan to get Shaq to invite me to sit courtside at American Airlines Arena Wednesday night. (Or something to that effect.) Unfortunately, I’ve been stuck working late the past few days and haven’t had a chance to release my second Shaq masterpiece to the masses. And since it looks like that won’t be changing anytime soon, I’d like to change the name of this mission to…

Operation: Seriously Shaq Just Offer Me Some Tickets For Fucks Sake, You Already Played “Touch Me” In a Mall, What Are You Michael Jackson?

Thank you. That is all.



Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence (Phase I)
February 26, 2009, 7:56 am
Filed under: Attention Whoring, Shaq, Social Experiments, Twitter

With Shaq coming to town next week, I thought it’d be a good time to try a fun project…

Operation: Please Shaq Acknowledge My Existence

My fascination with Shaq’s Twitter page isn’t much of a secret around here. And after reading these stories, I gotta say, the man might just be insane. But, hey, he’s having fun with some fans, and that’s more than I can say for some other athletes.

But if he’ll acknowledge two pasty white guys in a diner out west, why not this pasty white guy in Miami?

Phase I:
SHAQ, IF YOU’RE READING THIS, FEEL FREE TO MAKE THE FOLLOWING IMAGE YOUR MAIN TWITTER PICTURE.

Consider it a gift from me to you. (And don’t even think about offering me tickets to the Suns/Heat game. No, really, don’t. I swear, I won’t accept them. And I definitely won’t accept them if they’re courtside… Ok, fine. Maybe courtside.)

shaqtwit

Let’s see if this reaches the big guy.